Spaceology animation for Channel4′s ‘The IT Crowd’ by Cyriak

I’m Seb Lee-Delisle and I use Cyriak Bang! to clean up those tough animation jobs!

Cyriak, renowned animator, scours the Internet daily for crazy shit and reanimates it with just the right level of lunacy. Whether you need cyborg rebel cows, ultra-violent Gordon Ramsey, or the Queen decapitating herself, Cyriak does it all! Everything gets so messy, but a quick wipe with Cyriak Bang! and it’s even much more mentaler! From the BBC to his own grubby little bedroom, Cyriak cleans it all up!

‘FlashBrighton’ now looks at all kinds of creative tech – not just Flash – so is now called ‘dotBrighton’, and has moved venue. So the tough test: can Cyriak relaunch FlashBrighton as dotBrighton? We stick the crazy bastard in, shake it all up, and… yes, look! Cyriak is showing his deranged animations at new and shiny dotBrighton, on 7pm on Wednesday 8th September, at The Skiff.

They’re absolutely crazy, you’d be totally sane to miss them! Sign up on EventBrite to guarantee your place!

Sebastian Burns pointed one withered finger at his monitor and asked ‘Smithers, who are those people?’

‘That’s Neil Simpson sir, from sector FlashBrighton. All of them are from FlashBrighton,’ said Jo Smithers

‘Smithers those people have a dash I find most enervating, have them brought here immediately. And fetch me a cushion, my arm is beginning to tire.’

After lovingly supporting Burns’ arm on a circular pink pillow, Smithers voiced a command into the intercom and the group shambled apologetically into the office.

‘Ah ladies, gentlemen,’ began Burns, pressing his fingers together. ‘FlashBrighton is changing. Smithers, tell them how.’

‘Yes sir. Firstly our name is changing to DotBrighton, in recognition that our digital creativity remit encompasses more than just Flash these days. Secondly we are moving from weekly Tuesday meetings to fortnightly Wednesday meetings. And thirdly we are revamping our website to reflect these changes.‘

‘This is where you come in,‘ cut in Burns. ‘I need backend devs, HTML gurus, and anyone with experience working with the Facebook, Upcoming, and Twitter APIs, to help rebuild the website. Our first meeting as DotBrighton will be a hack-night to start this process, at 7pm on Wednesday 28th July at The Werks. We’re talking audio visual multimedia. Voluntary attendance will be mandatory, I trust I have made myself clear?’

‘Yes Mr. Burns,’ said Simpson blankly, who had instead been mesmerised by the appearance of chocolate sprinkles on Burns’ donut-like cushion.

Across Brighton, TV sets were turned on, as the second FlashBrighton debate began. Seb Cameron, Richard Brown and Jo Clegg stood manicured behind their lecturns, practicing their lines one last time. As the audience applaused faded, Niqui Dimbleby strode out.

‘Good evening and welcome to the second leaders’ debate. Today’s discussion will deal with a subject close to our heart: our name itself. Our first question please?’

The screen filled with a close-up of a young woman with asymmetric hair and dumb, oversized glasses.

‘Miss Styrio Tipe. Ms. Tipe is a geeky designer from Rottingdean. Your question Ms. Tipe?’

Looking down at a piece of paper in her lap, the young woman asked ‘What would you rename FlashBrighton?‘

Ms. Dimbleby turned back to the leaders. ‘Mr. Cameron?’

‘I’m glad you’ve asked me that Styrio. I’m passionate about FlashBrighton, I’ve always said that. But only 25% of last year’s talks were about Flash. I think we need a new name, one that really reflects what we’re about: Brighton’s creative technology scene. Therefore I propose ‘btn’. It could mean ‘Brighton Technology Network’, or ‘Brighton’, or even just ‘button’, with the interactivity that implies. I want to fix this broken group Styrio, and I really think ‘btn’ will do that.’

‘Mr Cameron, thank you. Mr. Brown!’

‘Look Styrio, Seb’s right, we need change, but real creativity, not this dry ‘…network’ name Seb wants. I want a name that really says ‘Brighton! Creative! Technology!’ and that’s why I think ‘/brighton’ is the name. Firstly it has Brighton in the name. Secondly it’s a creatively tongue-in-cheek play on ‘FlashBrighton’. And thirdly ‘/anything’ refers to a folder, and therefore a digital collection. I want the group to have the best name it can, and that’s clearly ‘/brighton’.

Mr. Brown released his lecturn, and Ms. Dimbleby ushered Mr. Clegg forward.

‘Is this New Labour, Mr. Brown? No, it’s the same old politics. These two want you to believe there are only two alternatives Styrio, but we need real change. We have many choices, like ‘BrightPixel’, ‘PixelPushers’, ‘PixelPunks’, ‘pixelshifters’, ‘ByteBrighton’, ‘eventListeners’, ‘The Bit Crowd’, ‘dotBrighton’, or even ‘ROFL (Rectangle Of Flashing Lights)’. Or a coalition of ideas, like ‘/btn’ say. This is a real chance for change, the people of FlashBrighton should seize it with both hands.’

The camera cut back to Ms. Dimbleby.

‘You’ve heard the arguments, now it’s your turn to vote. The proposed names will be published on the FlashBrighton mailing list on Saturday evening, at which point the ballot will be open until we reconvene at The Werks at 7pm on Tuesday 20th July. Don’t forget to cast your vote! We’ll go to our second question. Mr. Matt Sayers!’

‘Isn’t it your round, Brown?’

Mr. Brown smiled awkwardly, and made a mental note of the man’s face.

Mr. Pludek walked into the garden through Main Entrance B13 and was immediately met by a man with a clipboard.

‘Good evening Mr. Pludek, my name is Sebastian Kalabis and I am the head of the developmental arm of the FlashBrighton Liquidation Under-Secretariat Hierarchy, or F.L.U.S.H for short. Please sign here, thank you. Here are your lanyards, please wear them at all times. The red one grants you access to the ActionScript3 Subcommittee, where the future role Flash plays at FlashBrighton will be debated. The orange one guarantees you a seat on the Privy-Legislature for Descriptivist Cleansing, which has the mandate to actively pursue new liquidation methods for the name FlashBrighton itself. Finally the green lanyard gives you voting rights on the Days Commission, a temporary body with powers invested in the Committee of the Administrative Board which is conducting research into which weekday is best suited to the task of presenting our various findings, quite as we speak.’

Pludek scratched his head and looked at the ground.

‘Do you mean we’re rebranding FlashBrighton and moving it to a different day of the week?‘

‘Mr. Pludek, you make it sound so simple! But this is all very much up for discussion still, we are debating these, and other pressing matters, in Large Meeting Room A at The Skiff on Tuesday 14th July. Discussions will start at 7pm precisely and run sequentially. I can give you a handout detailing these matters that Section 5 drew up today at the pre-launch breakfast briefing if you like?’

Pludek raised both palms defensively.

‘No, no, that’s OK Mr. Kalabis really, thank you. I will see you next Tuesday, we can discuss these things then I’m sure.’

Say, get me another scotch would you Seb, whilst I tell you about Flixel? Yes me Kerry Turner, I write games too you know, it’s not just a boy’s game. Oh just the one piece of ice please sweetheart. What’s that you say, what’s Flixel? It’s an AS3 games library, real simple to use too. Bring that glass over and I’ll show it you. That’s the way.

Wow, that scotch sure got some kick ain’t it? Sit down here by my side Seb. That’s right. Now watch carefully, cos Flixel is one of the fastest, simplest ways to go from idea to game.

See we just add Flixel to our project, make these classes and… hey, are you keeping up? Look at me! Hey, you’ve had too much liquor, you’re never gonna take this in. Oh darling sugar honey! I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do: you go home and sober up, then meet me at The Werks on Tuesday 6th July at 7pm and using Flixel I’ll write a game right before your eyes.

You’ll come along won’t you? Oh say you will Seb, say you will…

There follows an extract from the diary of Ian Ozsvald-Pepys, dated June 15th 2010:

I have spoken this night with Sir Seb Lee-Delisle, the gentleman who runs the FlashBrighton club, an institution of long standing repute. He expressed great delight with my research into Artificial Intelligence, which he assuryes me he has been following with the greatest assiduity, and kindly invited me to present my findings at his club. I did of course accept, and have spent the remaynder of the day deliberating over how I might present these goode labours. I have settled on involving my £5 app collaborator Mr. John Montgomery, with whom I have been engaged on a number of projects for some little time now.

Firstly there is ‘Skiff Identity Invasion’, where we extract facial impressions from The Skiff’s video feed, raising intriguing notions on surveillance. Then there is ‘Headroid1‘, a face-tracking robot head which doth please me mightily. And finally our optical character recognition software ‘Reading English Heritage Plaques‘. I find that I am also given to the notion highlighting the work of other experts in the fielde, such as ‘OpenAllure’, a conversational voice/gesture interface. I am loathe to say which of these piques my interest the most, it is a source of the greatest vexation. I believe I will leave the decision to the last minute, my mind being so muddled in the matter.

My most fervent desire is to dispel the myth that AI is complex, for nothing could be further from the truth. Achtung, Edwardian lampoon! I do most earnestly believe that the application of a little AI can achieve miracles for even the humblest of applications.

I am to The Werks on Tuesday 22nd of June at 7pm to discourse these affairs. Judging by the goode words of Sir Lee-Delisle, I trust my words shall be met with most warm appreciation by the assembled there, and look forward greatly to the occasion.

The Flashians’ mighty wooden ship came at length to rest on a shingle beach on the island of Britannica, and with one joyous bound Sebastian Ulysses alighted on the shore of his native land. Ulysses had wandered abroad through many-a strange and distant land – New York, Germany, Nantucket – but had returned after exactly ten long weeks, as prophesised by the Oracle at Reading. His trusted swineherd Richard Eumaeus met him on the shore and they embraced heartily.

‘Ah Eumaeus, that you should have seen what I have seen! On a sinking ship a sailor yearns for those he can trust,’ began Ulysses boldly. ‘But we waste time, what news of my wife Penelope Summers?’

‘My lord, many now attend her weekly at the court of FlashBrighton, and in their honour a great banquet is being thrown: a barbeque on the beach. It promises to be a very merry gathering.’

‘My return to Britannica is not yet widely known, this occasion offers the chance to celebrate my happy return. What arrangements has Penelope made?’

‘Everyone is to gather next Tuesday at 7pm by the West Pier. Those attending are told to bring meat, vegetable and breads to grill, and wine and beer with which to imbibe and carouse. And should the Gods cause the heavens to open in their anger, the throng will decamp to the nearby hostelry “The Forture of War”.’

‘But Eumaeus, this is most excellent news. Come, let us decamp to your shepherd’s hut where I will tell of my adventures. It’s like, you shudda these ‘Siren’ chicks in New York mate. Dey wuz well hot init…’

Seb Lee-Dent tied his dressing gown and stepped out onto the gleaming white floor of the spacecraft. Clumping metallic boots announced the arrival of a lethargic robot, who stopped by Lee-Dent and raised his head.

‘I’m Marvin, and you ought to know I’m very depressed. Follow me. I know why you’re here,’ said the robot sullenly. ‘You are Seb Lee-Dent, galaxy-famous 3D games geek, and you are here to talk about your work. You’ll allow your audience to choose the subject. The full subject list is as follows:’

Anaglyphic 3D;
Lunar Lander3D;
Motion detection in Flash;
Particle systems;
Papervision3D;
Making your own 3D engine;
Generating simple audio in Flash;
Making a multi-track recorder in Flash;
Making retro Flash games;
Making platform games;
A simple framework;
2D and 3D Physics in Flash;
Smooth collaboration between designers and coders;
How we made Big and Small;
How we made Zingzillas;
iwillpayyourparkingticket.com;
HTML5 canvas 3D;
Getting started with Unity3D‘

The list was read with such monotone indifference that by the end Lee-Dent wondered whether he himself had forgotten some of the topics out of sheer boredom. Prompted by Marvin’s slow pace, he asked ‘How long will it take us to reach… wherever we’re going?’

‘Hardly any time at all. At this pace we’ll arrive at The Werks at precisely 7pm on Tuesday 8th of June.’

‘But that’s days away!’ exclaimed Lee-Dent.

‘I know. I wouldn’t normally travel this fast but Zaphod insisted your tiny mind had to be rushed to him. I could have told him everything you know in a few seconds, but who listens to me? No one. It’s “run fetch the human, Marvin!” Brain the size of a planet and they have me building space ships on forty pounds a week. It’s all so depressing.’

David Holmes scrolled through a window of code. He and his colleague Dr. Seb Watson had been brought in to hunt bugs in an ActionScript project by their client, a wealthy London design house. Noticing something, Holmes bent towards the screen and squinted.

‘Do you see this Watson? BakerView.as, line 221, “isHome = true;”.’

‘Yes Holmes, and I think I’m right in saying that Boolean flag denotes whether BakerView is the root or not,’ replied Watson.

Homes looked away from the monitor. ‘Other people’s observations cloud the mind Watson. If BakerView.isHome is set to false, every other class could change, causing errors all over the app. It should always be true, so we must set up a unit test to monitor it.’

‘Unit test?’ replied a perplexed Watson.

‘Yes Watson. Unit tests are validation checks which ensure that discreet units of code run as expected. In this case the unit test will ensure that inHome equals true. Take a hansom cab to Shoreditch and tell the client we will spend the week writing unit tests. Then meet me at The Werks at 7pm on Tuesday 1st of June, where I will show you what unit tests, integration tests, mocks and TDD are and why we need them. In the meanwhile I shall develop a simple Flash application, and write some tests to verify its behaviour. If all goes well, I’ll demonstrate the use of FlexUnit, mocking classes through inheritance and using FlexMonkey to automate the testing of the whole application.’

‘Right away Holmes,’ puffed Watson, moustache bristling. ‘See you on Tuesday!’

As a single strand of human hair fell through a shaft of sunlight and alighted on top of the monitor, Holmes returned to scrutinising the code.

Tim Jobs strode out onto the darkened stage dressed in his trademark grey polo neck. The soft murmur of anticipation was replaced by whoops & applause as the iconic Apple&Gate logo appeared on the screen behind him. As the noise slowly died away he began his address.

‘I’ve been looking forward to today. We’ve been working on an incredible new experience. It’s a real game changer, let me show you. BOOM!’

He pressed a small handheld device and walked to the side of the stage. The noise in the hall started to rise. The rotating armature of a 3D character replaced the logo onscreen. A texture map wrapped itself around the armature as it continued to spin. The final piece of texture – the character’s face – coincided with the rotation ending, and the character walking across the screen. Wild applause broke out as Jobs strode back into the limelight.

‘Isn’t that awesome? We did that with Blender, and it’s now very simple to import that character into programs like Unity3D,‘ he said, looking up at a rapt auditorium. ‘We want that demonstration to sink in for a while, so stick the Apple Mac in the car park, then join me at The Werks in Hove at 7pm on Tuesday 4th of May, and I’ll show you how.’

Cat calls & cheering accompanied Jobs’ exit from the stage, as the crowd savoured the Blender character animation demo to come.